Second-Class Applicant

I am in a state of gloomy self-pity. Unable to work for the last six weeks, thanks to being brace-bound following my shoulder dislocation, and having just returned from two weeks vacation, I feel useless and on the verge of an existential crisis. The phrase, “what am I doing?” reverberates throughout my mind about every 20 or 30 seconds and wakes me up a dozen times in a night. I know that as soon as I get my ass in gear and start making a contribution beyond what has lately consisted of lazing on a beach followed by cocktail hour, I will feel much better, but right now, I am in a tizzy, totally agitated by what feels like limbo. For more of what prompted this foray into purgatory, read below about why I feel like a second-class b-school applicant . . .

Unfortunately, because I applied to business school in the last “on a space available basis” round, I face mounting rejections. Boo! I can’t say that I am surprised, because I knew going into this that I would probably not get in due to procrastination (really, beyond my control), but I can’t say that I’m not disappointed. I desperately want to begin my graduate education, and a year delay feels agonizing right now. And frankly, I feel a little slighted over the whole thing, as do most rejects, I am sure. But, here’re my reasons. Soapbox, please.

I believe that I am disadvantaged as an applicant because I only spent about $1,000 applying to business school. That’s two $250 GMATs, three applications at $100-$150 a pop, and maybe about $100 on study books. I did not spend over $1,000 on an expensive prep course, nor did I pay an admissions consulting firm upwards of $5,000 to create my resume, write my essays or interview my recommenders. I also wasn’t able to visit all my schools, but rather had to virtually explore my options. See, I am a freelance writer with two start-up companies. Between my meager investment and the sweat equity that I put into this effort, there wasn’t really anything left. And, I simply can’t justify going thousands of dollars into debt for this. Is that bad? Does that make me a less worthy applicant than the person who was willing to make such a sacrifice, or the suit who socked enough away in the years spent climbing the corporate ladder since college? I don’t think so. I believe that my enterprising spirit rivals all of that, but I’m afraid that business school adcoms may not see it the same way. And, I could be totally wrong. But, in months of researching the process, reading forums and talking to other applicants, it seems that in some respects, you really have to buy your way in. And thus, I am relegated to the second-class applicant pool. And, I probably sound kind of foolish. Really, if the playing field was level, there wouldn’t be any reason to get an MBA in the first place.